Ways to Trick Your Human

If you lick her hand while she’s petting you, she’ll think you are being affectionate—while in reality, she is now washing those hard to reach spots behind your ears.

If you follow your slave around meowing, rubbing on her, and jumping up on her lap any and every time that she sits down (even if she is sitting on the spinning water bowl)—she will think you are being affectionate and give you extra treats + she will eventually get annoyed by all of the attention and send you to the Godmommy’s so that she can get a vacation (which is what you were after the whole time).
~Mashed Potato~

Shedding Fur and Tears

I know I am pretty much a cold-hearted bitch, but I want to take a brief moment and break character. I know you are all familiar with Pal, the infamous hairless kitty from the Ask Pal blog. I am asking every kitty out there to send their prayers, love, and kind thoughts to Kittenagogo right now.
~Mashed Potato~

The Anger of Success

As most of you know, I’ve been spending the past three months trying to catch the boxed bugs. I meow at them, bat at them, push the boxes around and think of the fun I would have chasing them.

So I finally did it! No more invisible barrier and I got them down to my level. The bugs were jumping around like crazy and the big bitey thing seemed to be in some kind of daze. Score!

It woke her up though and she was REALLY mad! I’ve pissed her off before, but never like this! I was still trying to get the bugs and she chased me away, plus she got the water spraying thing after me. I was forced to hide in my other bedroom until she finally left.

Then, to make matters worse, she put up more of that sticky stuff (like she has been using in the kitchen in an attempt to keep me from getting to the three blind mice and the other things on the shelves). That stuff is nasty! It covers me and rips out my fur—why does she do that???

Then, to make matters even more horrible, I found this new list:

A FEW REASONS THAT THE TARANTULAS MAKE BETTER PETS THAN MASH DOES:
A) Don’t trash the house while I’m sleeping
B) Don’t send big white hair balls/tumbleweeds floating about
C) Don’t need sitters when on vacation
D) Don’t have stinky breath
E) Don’t destroy or lose my things
F) Don’t get hair in my food
G) Don’t beat upon the ferrets
H) Don’t puke up hairballs or half-eaten food
I) Don’t get jealous of other pets
J) Don’t need brushed or ears cleaned
K) Don’t eat string or other weird things
L) Don’t chew up my papers or books
M) Don’t need treats or toys
N) Don’t follow me around meowing
O) Don’t get on the tables and counters
P) No litter boxes
Q) No flying poop
R) No duct tape to keep them out of areas
S) No vet bills
T) No princess complexes
U) No random attacks
V) Easy to care for
W) Can catch and kill bugs
X) Only cost $1/month to care for
Y) Not allergic to them
Z) Still soft and fuzzy

So what is that all about? Yes, I want to live somewhere other than here—but I want to make that choice and I want her to feel bad and miss me! I want her to know that she screwed up and that is why I left. It wouldn’t have the same pleasure if she forced me to go!
~Mashed Potato~

New Link

I've added a new link to the list: The Indoor Cat Initiative. It is for special kitties (like me) that have their own house and servants.
~Mashed Potato~

Toilet Training

The slave mentioned that she may make me use the swirling water dish/play area as a litter box. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

She said she's tired of me complaining about my litter box and that the wood pellets are hard to find year-round. Plus there is that whole allergy/bald spots thing that may be caused by the pellets.

Wretched ferrets! This is surely because of that photo they posted!

Oh dread! To play in it is one thing. To be expected to use it is quite another!

Will I have to flush? Will she yell if I don't? What if the apartment floods again while she is gone? My life is hard enough without new things like this...
~Mashed Potato~

Bad Human!

I woke up to find this huge list of things that I was no longer supposed to do and that the slave felt were things that bad kitties do.

Well, I have news for her. I found out where that list came from and found something fantastic! Finally, the REAL LIST, informing the slaves of what we, the kitties, as masters and rulers of our domains expect and deserve. Take heed!
~Mashed Potato~

Hobo Corner

The slave apparently read my blog and found out about my escape plans (I suppose the ferrets probably tipped her off). So she felt it necessary to remind me of the messages behind "Hobo Corner."

Hobo corner is located in my room and consists of the hobo bag the Godmommy gave me during my first visit there (when our apartment flooded) and other odd items.

There is a bottle marked "Poison" and one called "Black Tower" (some connection to her books about the Dark Tower) and a tiny one with a crown. These are to remind me that even though I may find sweet temptations beyond our door, fit for a princess such as myself, they may secretly be poison.

The skull is to remind me of the certain death that lurks beyond our door. It contains a Magic 8 Ball, which I may consult regarding attempts at fleeing.

And finally, there is a shelf with flowers, stinky stuff (she thinks they smell good) and a little house to remind me that I always have a home here.

I suppose that is all nice and swell, but it still doesn't change the fact that I would rather be with other kitties and not those wretched, stinking weasels...
~Mashed Potato~

Stupid Ferrets

Ugh! Where do the weasels keep getting these pictures from? I should have told them that I was watching Banter be sent on his way.

After all, this is where most of the dead crickets end up...
~Mashed Potato~

Another Year, Another Day...

My vacation was wonderful! The Godmommy and the Uncle were ever so delightful and had new mice for me to watch, new toys and treats to enjoy, and the seven other kitties and I bonded on new levels. Ten days was simply not enough...

I did run when I saw the slave coming. I thought that would be hint enough. When I heard her talking about getting the carrier, I out and out hid. I figured hiding under the tree and behind presents would be too much work and maybe she would leave me there.

She always threatens to leave me and take one of the other cats (usually the mean mama--we don't get along anyhow, so that would be the perfect trade in my book). Always threats; idle threats...

My homecoming was pretty lame. One of the little scums kicked the bucket last night--Banter. So I kept getting yelled at for tormenting the "poor grieving ferrets"--whatever... I am always overshadowed by them--even when they are dead and gone. At least I have heard a couple of mentions of getting me my own kitty. Still not sure that I want to share, but I am beginning to think it would be nice to have someone here on my side for a change.

I did get a gorgeous new cat bed (untouched by ferret skankiness), a krinkle sack all of my own, and a heap of new toys. The slave is finally realizing my love for the finer things in life and accommodating to my tastes. And since I am apparently stuck living in this ferret hell (for now), I've been following the slave around purring and rubbing on her to make her believe that all is well.

Meanwhile, I continue to plot my escape...
~Mashed Potato~