Why I Haven't Written...

There's a very good reason that I haven't posted for some time. That idiot, Anubis, mesmerized me with a cardboard box. The slave brought the box home to use for her Halloween costume--but Anubis ate big holes in it. Hoping to deter the box eating, the slave kept putting the box upright and still, Anubis kept knocking it down and shredding it to bits. Anubis claims that he was tearing a heart shape into the box for the slave (he likes her--can you believe that crap?); he said it was his way of thanking her for adopting him (his one year anniversary of living with us was October 24th).


Each day, the slave would come home to find shredded cardboard strips scattered throughout the house. Anubis even went as far as putting cardboard in the slave's basket for carrying things upstairs (I don't know why, he scattered plenty up there too)--I guess he thought he was being nice and giving her gifts, but I think that it may have been what pushed the slave over the edge...


One day, Anubis convinced me that there was something cool in the bottom of the box and that's why he was hanging out in it. So I jumped up on the counter (I would NEVER get on the counters otherwise--I'm the good cat) and I took the plunge. Apparently, the box top springs shut and acts like a trap--getting back out isn't possible. Anubis knew this and decided to get me caught up in his mess so that he wouldn't be the only one getting in trouble.


We howled and made all kinds of noise, but nothing happened--we were trapped. Finally, when the slave discovered us, she decided to be cruel (like she always is) and she refused to help us. She instead went searching for her immortalizer of embarrassing moments and flashed bright lights at us, making the whole situation ten times worse. Then, to top it off, she pushed the box over onto its side! No warning, nothing--not a fun ride, let me tell you.


As I mentioned before, the box flaps were sturdy cardboard and their folding action made normal escape impossible. So even with the box pushed onto its side, we were still unable to get out. We had no choice. Anubis tried to climb out of the hole first. Even as lanky and slender as he is, he got stuck. With all of the trouble that Anubis had, how was I to get my big-boned frame out?


And so I struggled to free myself. The slave laughed and laughed--oh, how I hate her. She kept saying that it serves us right--but I didn't do anything to her stupid box! For some reason, she blames us for ruining her Halloween costume. Get with it, crazy lady--it was a BOX. And so she tore it into more pieces, which made no sense to me and she complained about what rotten cats she has. Can you believe that? Anubis always makes me look bad. A year of misery is what it has been--he should have been making that heart for me...


And what does any of that have to do with why I haven't written? I'm not really sure either, but that's my excuse for now!

~Mashed Potato~