More Trauma To Come

It is so cold in here! I have actually started sleeping with the human heating pad again, despite her insane night flailings and abuse. During the day, I've taken to my cat bed--which is mortifying! When I first got it, I loved it and spent every moment possible within its toasty embrace.

However, like everything of mine, the ferrets discovered it. They insisted on rolling around in it and skanking it up. At first, I used to beat them when they got in and would try to drag it away--but I got in trouble for that. Surprise, surprise.

They also chew up my toys and hide them under the couch where I can't reach them. They eat the fur off of my toy mice and leave these hideous little gray plastic skeletons about. I wish they would all get stuck under the sink and never find their way back out...

So, at any rate, I am back to the stinky cat bed trying to keep warm. I am almost convinced to leave the alien crop circles alone and let my fur grow back. Which reminds me, I was snooping in the slave's book and discovered that she plans to take me to the poke and probe place soon... UGH!

Put in the stupid pink paw print carrier, a ride in the death machine, poked and prodded and that always means weeks of slime and pills shoved down my throat as the slave sits on me and holds my mouth shut. I either need a new slave or retraining for the one I have...
~Mashed Potato~

And This Is Why

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!

Coming Soon: Nude Photos!

I am so offended! I heard her laughing and talking about "the incident" to someone on the phone. So apparently she blames me and is telling even more people. This is horrible!

I think perhaps I'll take Pal's advice on ways to screw with Mommies. A few pictures of her like that on the Internet and I bet she won't talk trash about me again!

I'm trying to figure out a way to prove that the ferrets framed me. It's really quite simple. They snuck into my room, stole a couple of kitty cigars and planted them by me. When the opportunity arose, they got her attention and she yelled. As I jumped down, she spotted the kitty cigars (yes, there were two--the other was several feet away--which should surely prove my innocence, but she is stupid).

My theory is that the ferrets have somehow found a secret entrance to my room and are sneaking into my litterbox for snacks. I bet they are little poop-eaters. That's probably how they got the idea of framing me. It seems only natural that they would eat my remainders in hope of gaining some of my fabulous qualities.

It's really not much different than the hunters that eat the still-pulsing heart of their prey in hopes of acquiring their soul and stealth.
~Mashed Potato~

I HATE THEM!!!

I just found out that the nasty little jerks have not only posted some kind of trick photography B.S. showing me doing things that I DID NOT do--but they also made up lies about me in their blog!

First off, I DO NOT have bathroom issues! I wonder if I can get them for libelous statements? To even think... Ugh! I am too civilized for such acts! And like I would listen to the slave anyhow? Surely you know that this could NEVER happen!

Second, I don't know how they created those photos--but it is them that attacks me! Them that makes my life miserable! Not the other way around! Seeking human sympathy; rotten sniveling rodent-wanna-be's.

It is all lies! Lies to make humans think that I am as horrible as they are. Wretched little stinkbags! They WILL pay for this...

Surely, you, my faithful readers believe me...
Right???
~Mashed Potato~

Who Invents These Things?

She has this thing, with dangling feathers and string (which we all know I can not resist), and it bounces around driving me absolutely mad! When I see it, I get these urges. I really can't explain it. It's embarrassing. I turn into this total idiot and I can't contain myself!

For hours, she taunts me with it. It's never quite within my grasp or I'll think I've caught it only to see it bouncing in another part of the room. Sometimes I'll feel it brushing on my tail, but no matter how fast I turn, I can't catch it!

It is evil. This stupid device makes me look so foolish. It makes me snort. Sometimes it causes me to have air come rushing out from under my tail. It has the ability to steal my dignity within seconds.

And worst of all? You guys know me. I'm a lounge-about type of cat. I wake up the next day from these excursions SO sore! Wicked, wicked, wicked.
~Mashed Potato~

Yeah, It's True

I have a boyfriend! I'm a little nervous because I generally hate other kitties and hiss and spit. But well, I guess it's time to get beyond the "other kitties have cooties" deal. At least a little bit. I still don't know about sharing my stuff. Not anywhere ready for that yet. Good thing it is a long distance relationship...

Did you notice that my first boyfriend is HOT! I must be as beautiful as I think I am!

Also, notice that there are now, at least, five full-fledged kitty blogs in cyberspace now. And all of you humans said it could never happen. Who's laughing now???
~Mashed Potato~

Goodbye Hairball!

Ask Pal gave me some ingenious advice regarding ferret removal! Very smart! Pal even knew that the slave would automatically blame the hairball on me and that she would be so angry with me that it would never even occur to her what had really happened!

If only we also had a garbage disposal...
~Mashed Potato~

Another Kitty Blog

My new kitty friends have recommended another blog, Ask Pal. This blog is cool because it is packed full of tips by Pal, another kitty not afraid to speak the truth!

I have also created a special spot for kitty blogs--whether they are like mine and actually written by a kitty or if the kitties just have a good, obedient slave willing to transmit their messages through their own blog. Please, no more ferret blogs though...
~Mashed Potato~

Other Kitties!!!

Ask and you shall receive! Earlier, I was sad that there were no other kitty blogs and three kitties have come to me! The Obsidian Cat is maintained by their slave, but she has dedicated her site to them. Such loyalty and worship... That is what I deserve! Not this stinkhole of weasel vomit!

Two other cool things about this site? Inigo! Inigo! Inigo! Oh wait...

The other cool thing? My blog is listed as a link! Not the slave's. Not the filth monsters. ME! My blog! Why couldn't I live somewhere like that? Somewhere my eternal beauty, my style, my wit; somewhere that I could be so appreciated and treated with respect?

At least now, I have an escape. Other kitties I can chat with while the slave is out. The Godmommy's kitties are too much like her--life outside of cyberspace. I hear from them once every couple of months. What am I to do in the meantime? Oh, Inigo!!!
~Mashed Potato~

Some Stupid Links

I've included links to those nasty weasels and to the slave--you can now view their blogs if you choose (although I certainly don't recommend wasting your time).
~Mashed Potato~

TAGGED!!!

The RULES:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or your 2nd for those not yet that far).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other kitties to do the same.

My 23rd post, fifth sentence:
"I sit behind the curtain into the hallway and as they try to leave the livingroom, they are forced into a sudden attack."

I don't know any other kitties with blogs! :(
~Mashed Potato~

Krishna Kicking

I was sleeping, all warm and toasty, all of a sudden she started kicking me--hard!!! Not just once or twice, but a whole bunch of times--full force! I got away as fast as I could, but not quick enough.

She woke up and kept calling me and saying that she was sorry--yeah right! Whatever!

She gave me some story about dreaming that Krishna (who in the hell is Krishna? that Hindu guy?) was peeing all over the place and in the dream she was yelling and smacking Krishna--in reality, she is kicking me in the head. Make sense to you? Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Screw that! I am not sleeping with her anymore--she is too wicked!
~Mashed Potato~

Hairballs & Tuna

Last week, the little pee-dribbler, Banter was sniffling. She stayed up all night with him--cuddling and cooing--quite sickening really.

So she leaves and is gone all day. I was feeling horrible (probably caught whatever that stupid ferret had) and ended up puking all over my room.

She came home and I meowed and pleaded for her to come see. When she finally came and looked, she was mad! No sympathy! No "Poor Mashy!"

I was so excited because I was sure that she would feel bad and brush me or at least talk nicely to me for once. Life is so unfair.
~Mashed Potato~