Away!

WOO HOO!!! I am finally at the Godmommy's! Wet food in the morning AND at night!!! Cat nip all day long... Can't chat though, I am off to chase and torment the Dragoness!

Am I a Mutant?

Sassy's slave said that I look like the wiener dog of cats... She said my tail is too little, my legs too short and my body stretched out and too big. What the hell! I've always known I was gorgeous, everyone that comes here says I am. Now I am having doubts. What if they say that to be nice, like they do for ugly human babies?

The slave has made several comments about the light hairs I am getting on my face--she keeps asking if I am getting old. She calls them my "freckles."

Other people have commented on my weight lately. Am I not as beautiful as I once was? Am I past my prime? What ever will I do?
~Mashed Potato~

Incontinent Little Jerks!

They are so disgusting. Why does she let them live here? That big, bossy one, Banter was in the kitchen, sleeping on his back. Mind you, he is sleeping. Next thing you know, pee starts puddling up on his belly. Did he wake up? No! Did he dream he was in his litter box?! Nasty little scumbags. Why I have to live with those filthy little creatures, I will never know.

It may explain his little complex with having to prove he is so tough and such a bad ass... Here he's a little bed-wetter in private. Those are always the worst...
~Mashed Potato~

Dead Ferrets (can take care of themselves)

She brought home two more cans of dead ferrets today. I wonder if they know about her little collection? It keeps growing. She is running out of room. I bet that's the real reason that they aren't allowed in my room. It's not that she wants me to have a place to be away from them or that she knows I get upset when they get in my stuff. She's worried they will find out. I think I will let them know where Baron Weasel and Bud Badger really are... HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA!!!
~Mashed Potato~

Yummy!

What a day! She has been letting the stupid new scummer eat my food since the other ferrets are bullying him (yeah, Crimson Comet--named after a super hero--that thing is a freaking wuss! What a joke! Should have named him Trembling Twerp). So the little jerk eats all of the good pieces out of my dish and leaves the weird tasting ones. He sticks his whole face in my water dish and swoops it around before getting a drink. Yeah, ferret-flavored water. Yum. She watches the whole time to make sure that I don't do anything to him--she's so trusting. And why does she always catch me the minute I touch any of them?

She usually makes a big deal when I catch bugs (which is rare because that requires me to be smarter than the bug--nobody understands how tricky they are), and then she comes and steals them from me and saves them (what a freak). So today, she sees I've got something big. She must have thought it was a crane fly or something (she gets super mad if I touch those)--well, she saw I finally got over my fear of the Spike things and caught one... She let me eat it! I was only bluffing! It tasted so bad and all of those little legs twitching in my mouth--I'll be plucking those out of my teeth for a week. Man, did it ever give me a belly-ache!

So then, I always like to play with the water when she turns on the shower. Well, today, I got kind of wigged out because the water felt like it was biting my paw and I tried to run away--and fell right in the toilet. I was freaking soaked, humiliated, and felt dirty all over. What did she do? Laughed her nasty old ass off!!! I hate days like this!
~Mashed Potato~