Alien Crop Circles

Well, they are back. Which means the slave keeps sneaking up on me, wrestling me to the ground, sitting on me (good lord is she heavy!), and then she rubs stinky stuff into my fur. She thought that my vet was an idiot when she suggested the last time that maybe it was ferret bites (if she only KNEW what I had to do to make that vet make herself look so stupid), now we don't go to that vet any more, plus my plan backfired and she didn't get rid of the moronic little idiots.

Even worse, it means she is going to load me up in that little, tiny, plastic box and make me be in that noisy death machine for an hour or so, while I howl myself hoarse. Then they'll take pieces of me away and poke and prod (I tried biting that rude bitch the last time) and I guess I'll probably have to get that thing taken out of my ear while I am there. She knows she can't afford it, why does she put me through it? And oh yeah, check this out! Uncle Jim and the Godmommy suggested that the new ferret should ride me around like a stead--I have no idea what a stead is, but how dare they? They are supposed to be on my side! My ailment is probably stress-related, no thanks to any of them!
~Mashed Potato~

Surrounded by Scummers

She brought home yet another one. I can't even walk around without running into at least one. They are every where! I can't wait to go to the Godmommy's where it is kitties that are every where--I make number eight when I am there. Maybe this time I'll refuse to leave.
~Mashed Potato~

YAHOOO!!!!

The slave got her tickets for Missouri--I'll be staying with the Godmommy and Uncle Jim three whole times this year!
~Mashed Potato~

F***ing Ferrets

She has two of the nasty things that I am absolutely not allowed to touch. Nanook of the North and Bud Badger (haven't seen him around for awhile). She doesn't like me to pick on any of them, but those are the two she has made echo in my head.

I couldn't resist. I don't know why I did it. Nanook looked so wimpy and pathetic hopping past me. I grabbed him and rolled into a ball, biting and kicking him. He didn't fight back. He screamed and screamed. The slave came barreling down the hall, screaming at me (what's new). She scooped him up and began ruffling his fur and whispering and kissing him. It made me want to spew hairballs.

Somewhat later, I was relaxing on the loveseat, when Banter snuck up behind me and nipped my foot. I yowled and ran far enough away that I could still see what type of punishment he would receive. She only laughed and continued to clean their foul lair. Oh, how I hate them.
~Mashed Potato~

Geez!!!

I just got yelled at by the slave for howling and meowing--until she looked over and saw what was wrong... She actually even left the computer and came over to see for herself what it was.

I thought she was going to smack me for meowing like that; she just laughed at me, picked up the giant moth and threw it back out the window (whew! at least she wasn't mad--you never know with her--she's so moody).

Don't earn my keep... Whatever! If I hadn't alerted her to that moth, it might have eaten a hole in the carpet (and I really am scared of bugs after the whole Spike episode).
~Mashed Potato~

GRR!!!

She forgot to buy me my wet morning food. She looked in the cupboard this morning and guess what?! Bare!!! She expects me to wait until Friday because that is the earliest she can make it to a store... Whatever!!! She expects me to eat this dry, cardboard-flavored crap until then... This would never happen at the Godmommy and Uncle Jim's house (of course, with eight of us eyeballing you as soon as you woke up and getting feisty--I suppose that is a bit more intimidating than the damage that I am capable of doing alone). She said that she had been picking it up and almost buying it everytime she went in to a store, but she really thought we had a couple more packets of it at home. Yeah, right. Does she expect me to eat the shiny new collar? She couldn't have bought me the morning stuff instead?! I do look damn HOT though...
~Mashed Potato~

A New Sparkling Shiny

The slave brought home a new, sparkling, shiny for me. It is shiny, shiny gold and has nine HUGE diamonds (for each of my nine lives?) on it. It looks sharp on me--too bad I'm an indoor cat, I wouldn't mind going out and showing it off. That also means I have to tote that annoying little bell around again, but this time it is worth it! Plus she didn't get anything for the weasels... I checked. That makes my shiny even more awesome!
~Mashed Potato~

Scary Screaming & Scarier Spike

The slave was talking on the phone, when all of a sudden she went silently stalking across the livingroom, lifted up the beanbag chair and freaked out! She grabbed one of her brass goblets, threw it over something on the floor and hauled ass into the kitchen! She was throwing open all of the cupboards--cursing and mumbling--rooting around in a complete panic--I never saw anything like it!

I followed her back into the livingroom and watched her. She was messing around with the goblet and whimpering and making these strange "Ew, ew, ew" noises. All of a sudden something came jetting out from under the goblet and the slave started screaming like a girl! This scared me so badly that I ran and hid under the radiator! The slave has giant spiders that she feeds and she catches bees and all kinds of stuff and throws them out the window like it's no big deal... I've never seen her get so scared that she would scream and act crazy like that!

She went back out to the kitchen, so I inched my way over to the goblet to see what was trapped under it--I could feel my heart racing and the fur on the back of my neck tingling, I could hear whatever was under the goblet making strange noises... The slave came back in and yelled at me, just about giving me heart failure! She again began fiddling around with the goblet, I could tell that she was scared that it was going to get away again; I sat by for assistance (maybe... it depends on what was under there) but she has no faith in me--she always says that I'm not good at earning my keep.

After much fuss and whimpering, she got it into a container and began looking for stuff to feed it. She says that it is only the fourth one that she has ever seen and that it is a baby because it is only about an inch long--how she even saw it is beyond me; she always spots these things and then yells at me like I want bothered... Doesn't she realize that I am royalty, not some back-alley dumpster-diver that wants to act like an idiot chasing such things around? That is SO beneath me!

I guess she wants to take "Spike" to Penn State and see if they can identify it. She thinks that they are something traveling in from the flower shop downstairs because she has only ever seen those four while living near the flower shop and she hasn't been able to find them in any books or on the internet. Several years ago, one chased her and was gnashing it's fangs at her--I guess whatever they are, they are territorial and rather aggressive... She spotted the first one around ten years ago and she said it was around three to four inches long--that was when she lived in the little apartment down the hall (where I stayed when our apartment flooded).

Whatever they are, the slave is deathly afraid of them! She keeps jumping at shadows and freaking out like she thinks things are crawling on her... I know she's going to be up all night, watching, in a panic. It's about time that something gets under her skin and gives her the heebie-jeebies! I think I will wait until she is asleep and let my whiskers tickle her face so she thinks that there are Spikes crawling all over her...
~Mashed Potato~

P.S.--For the record, if I had seen that thing before she did, I don't know what I would have done--I guess that's why I put up with the slave. But I wish she would flush it down the toilet; that thing is hella creepy!

More Scummers?

She is still thinking about getting a skunk. I can't take this! How do I teach her that I am in charge here--the six scummers she has are bad enough. A skunk. I bet it would try to go in my room, sleep on my bed, use my litter box... Oh no. I don't think so. I'm going to have to discuss this with the Council of the Seven when I go to the Godmommy's and get some help in putting a stop to this.
~Mashed Potato~

Raining Cats and Dogs...

It was quite loud here today. Much booming and flashing, loud stuff smacking off of the windows--I'm never sure what is out there, but today it was noisy and there was a weird smell in the air. It was enough to get the slave up and awake, which is never an easy feat...

The slave came home later and told me that some people believe that cats bring rain when they sleep on their heads (not sure exactly what she means by that); but she said that a little boy that she works with beat his cat today because he was supposed to go swimming and couldn't because it was raining. And it was the cat's fault for sleeping on it's head... Wonder if now that she knows, I will get the spray bottle for that too?

Thankfully, she is again considering going to Missouri, in addition to New Orleans and Florida. That means I can go stay with my Godmommy and Uncle Jim even more this year--they are so much nicer than the slave. They understand the royalty that I am and treat me as I should be. I'll have to deal with Enchan, Snip, the Dragoness, Seren, Anchoo, Alf and Chantell--which means chasing and being chased--and I'll have to play Prisoner of War again, which I really do not care for--but I'll get increased treats and a bed time snack instead of just the morning stuff--I can't wait! I guess Kitty Food is happily scampering around in mouse heaven; but it sounds like some new ones have moved in, I can't wait to meet them! OOOooo, and my Godmommy has that cool lid I like rolling around on... I wish the slave would go away all of the time...
~Mashed Potato~

And she was going to name ME Oscar...

The slave seems to be in better spirits. She cleaned my litterbox as soon as she awoke (I don't know why she would ever delay; I howl as soon as I am finished to alert her that it needs cleaned and I reward her by sitting by her and rubbing against her the entire time that she is cleaning it) and she has been petting me and telling me what a beautiful kitty I am everytime she walks by me (like there was ever any doubt--but I am slightly annoyed that she keeps waking me up). I knew shredding those rabbit pelts would make her think twice about how she has been treating me; not to mention I took my anger out on her beloved weasels, which seems to bother her more than anything else that I do.

She has refrained from using the water bottle on me, although she keeps whispering to keep quiet so that the neighbors don't hear me and call the landlady. She knows that my royal Siamese lineage makes this a laughable request; why does she bother? Stupid humans. She better go on all three of her planned trips--I need the vacation!
~Mashed Potato~

Bad! Bad!

The slave is in some kind of wretched mood this evening! She came through the door and I kept trying to greet her and she kept spraying me with the water bottle (I really have to figure out how to get rid of that!). All day I waited. Our hallway is always quiet and today people kept going past the door--I kept waiting for the slave--darkness fell--finally she arrived--in some kind of wickedness.

I used my litterbox and howled. She ignored me. She just kept staring at that stupid damn computer screen (gotta get rid of that too). My dish is empty. I know she sees it. Yet she continues typing. Wait until she goes to sleep. I will destroy all that is beloved to her and carry it to her bed so that when she awakens it will be the first thing that she sees. And tomorrow, I think I will awaken her FOUR hours before her alarm goes off. That will train her to my liking...
~Mashed Potato~

My Own Site!

I decided I should have my own site and my own blog. I get more e-mail than the slave and as a popular princess kitty, I am entitled to my own stuff (in addition to everything of hers). This is where you can skip past all of her boring posts (the ferrets are even more hideously boring--avoid them!) and visit me, wonderful me!
~Mashed Potato~