Mad Mash Beyond the Litterbox

...maiming & mutilating myself in a macabre mustelid madhouse...

Friday, November 07, 2008

More pictures to come!

I've got the slave hard at work posting her long neglected pictures. I did manage to get my pictures up first in the ones from Christmas 2007, but for some reason she isn't just posting pictures of me as she should be...



Speaking of the pictures, Anubis recently celebrated two years of living in my house, stealing my thunder, and stealing the slaves things (well, at least HE is the one that gets blamed for it). Ya know, that's the only good thing about that psycho whiner... he gets blamed for EVERYTHING and I can still do my normal deviltry without catching the heat...

~Mashed Potato~

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Did They Mention HE STINKS!?!


And I thought the stench was bad before! This brings tears to my eyes!

That new one has some kind of funk that I can't even begin to describe and if that isn't bad enough, he wipes PEE SLIME on everything!

They went to visit Star's slave, Michele--PEE SLIME along the perimeter of the room, on the play mat, circling the chairs--PEE SLIME EVERYWHERE...

The slave lets him out and he PEE SLIMES the floor, the couch, the pillows, even the slave's feet! And she is OK with this?!?

He PEE SLIMES the other ferrets! Cinnamon and Winzig will never smell the same (not that they smelled good in the first place)!

He PEE SLIMES their toys (see picture above) and yet Anubis still gets into their toys and carries them around in his mouth--GAG!

He PEE SLIMES the slave and yet she still carries him around and cuddles him like he's some wonderful thing--she gets the PEE SLIME everywhere!

He PEE SLIMES himself!!! I kid you not! He puts that PEE SLIME all over his nasty ferret body--even his head! What is wrong with him?!?

GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!

Why am I forced to live with these vile creatures? What past sins and debts am I paying off? No cat deserves this! Not even Anubis...

Please help us! Send us air fresheners, nose plugs, clothespins, anything! I implore you!

~Mashed Potato~

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Why I Haven't Written...

There's a very good reason that I haven't posted for some time. That idiot, Anubis, mesmerized me with a cardboard box. The slave brought the box home to use for her Halloween costume--but Anubis ate big holes in it. Hoping to deter the box eating, the slave kept putting the box upright and still, Anubis kept knocking it down and shredding it to bits. Anubis claims that he was tearing a heart shape into the box for the slave (he likes her--can you believe that crap?); he said it was his way of thanking her for adopting him (his one year anniversary of living with us was October 24th).


Each day, the slave would come home to find shredded cardboard strips scattered throughout the house. Anubis even went as far as putting cardboard in the slave's basket for carrying things upstairs (I don't know why, he scattered plenty up there too)--I guess he thought he was being nice and giving her gifts, but I think that it may have been what pushed the slave over the edge...


One day, Anubis convinced me that there was something cool in the bottom of the box and that's why he was hanging out in it. So I jumped up on the counter (I would NEVER get on the counters otherwise--I'm the good cat) and I took the plunge. Apparently, the box top springs shut and acts like a trap--getting back out isn't possible. Anubis knew this and decided to get me caught up in his mess so that he wouldn't be the only one getting in trouble.


We howled and made all kinds of noise, but nothing happened--we were trapped. Finally, when the slave discovered us, she decided to be cruel (like she always is) and she refused to help us. She instead went searching for her immortalizer of embarrassing moments and flashed bright lights at us, making the whole situation ten times worse. Then, to top it off, she pushed the box over onto its side! No warning, nothing--not a fun ride, let me tell you.


As I mentioned before, the box flaps were sturdy cardboard and their folding action made normal escape impossible. So even with the box pushed onto its side, we were still unable to get out. We had no choice. Anubis tried to climb out of the hole first. Even as lanky and slender as he is, he got stuck. With all of the trouble that Anubis had, how was I to get my big-boned frame out?


And so I struggled to free myself. The slave laughed and laughed--oh, how I hate her. She kept saying that it serves us right--but I didn't do anything to her stupid box! For some reason, she blames us for ruining her Halloween costume. Get with it, crazy lady--it was a BOX. And so she tore it into more pieces, which made no sense to me and she complained about what rotten cats she has. Can you believe that? Anubis always makes me look bad. A year of misery is what it has been--he should have been making that heart for me...


And what does any of that have to do with why I haven't written? I'm not really sure either, but that's my excuse for now!

~Mashed Potato~

Friday, May 11, 2007

What's in a Name?

The slave finally solved the whole name issue for me. She assured me that my name is as unique as I am; but is not freakishly weird like some have led me to believe.

She explained that names like Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Marshmallow, and Mocha have always been accepted in the pet world and that some humans are just closed-minded. Like that took a genius to figure out...

She did point out that the peeping tom that likes to sit at the window and watch me is named Marmalade. She farther explained that marmalade is a slimy substance with nasty chunks of a fleshy material that sticks between your teeth. At least mashed potatoes are generally liked by all!

~Mashed Potato~

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

In Honor of Valentine's Day...

I'm proposing that we have a little contest. A contest to determine who is more attractive to the masses...

First Contestant: the purebred Siamese to your left
<---- Not to skew the results or anything, but aren't those ears a bit large for the rest of him? Doesn't it look like he is wearing his ass as a hat? What was it that Ralph from the Simpsons called it... "a pointy-kitty"? Oh wait, he was referring to a rat--but I bet he would see the similarity here. And is it just me or does he look like he would be one miserable little jerk? Evil-looking, don't you think?
Second Contestant: As a Siamese/Himalayan mix, I have the most attractive traits and the superb personality of both breeds. I'm sure that as I become increasingly famous and more people gaze upon my beauty, the Siamalayan will become a breed in its own right--just as Schnoodles and Cockapoos have become preferable within the dog world. In fact, they are known as Designer Dogs and cost much more than the originals.

Just look at those beautiful baby blue eyes, the fluffy coat, the spectacularly-shaped face and head, that angelic beauty, the intelligence behind the gaze...

Again, not to skew the votes, but the bowlegged, spider monkey looking creature verses the original Designer Cat, the true princess... Ha! Like votes are really even required!

~Mashed Potato~

Saturday, February 10, 2007

*SHUDDERS*


A wise kitty once stated:

"When it becomes possible for weasels to recognize the evilness amongst themselves and their brothers, a day of reckoning shall fall upon us all and the world will tremble."

I already tremble due to their evilness...

~Mashed Potato~

Monday, February 05, 2007

In a State of Depression

So anyhoo, she finally named that thing she brought home. Anubis. WTF? He gets named after an Egyptian God—I get named after a tuber? What gives?

I hate him. If I go anywhere near the slave, he gets between us. If the slave so much as talks to me, he’s dashing over to steal her affections. When I make the slave massage my beautiful self, he comes making a horrible racket and pushes me away so that he can be massaged instead! I saunter away, giving the slave the opportunity to follow me and prove that she loves me more and what happens? She laughs and gives him my stolen attention!

I haven’t been brushed in months. I’ve vomiting hairballs on a regular basis now. I know that it is the stress making me lose my hair. I’m sure that she is secretly brushing him instead. I’ve found his hair in places it shouldn’t be.

I can’t eat my morning snack without him stealing it. He’s wretched. If he thinks he is the only one with wet food, he eats it slow to torment me. As soon as he sees my plate touch the floor, he wolfs down everything on his plate and then comes over and eats what I have. I am a dainty eater! I must take my time and savor my food so as not to get indigestion or worse…

I growl. I snarl. I swat his head into the floor. I push him down and attack him. Yet he taunts me with this horrible purring to make the slave believe that I am the bad one. What have I done to deserve this?

And not that I like the humans that come to the house, but at least before, they made attempts to befriend me. Now it is all “Where’s the new cat? I want to see the new cat.” I can’t take much more. Even the Godmommy asks to see him. Sure, she puts on a show that she is here to see me, but don’t think that I don’t notice her waiting and wanting him to come to her. And she ALWAYS gets me Christmas presents. Not this year. I’m pretty sure the bony little jerk stole my Christmas presents too!

You want a name for him? How about Dirty Thief!

Yeah, the God of the Dead verses a lousy, lumpy, bland side dish that must be covered with condiments in order for it to even be edible…. There really is no justice in life.

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