Mad Mash Beyond the Litterbox

More pictures to come!

2008-11-07T13:51:00.003-05:00

I've got the slave hard at work posting her long neglected pictures. I did manage to get my pictures up first in the ones from Christmas 2007, but for some reason she isn't just posting pictures of me as she should be...

Speaking of the pictures, Anubis recently celebrated two years of living in my house, stealing my thunder, and stealing the slaves things (well, at least HE is the one that gets blamed for it). Ya know, that's the only good thing about that psycho whiner... he gets blamed for EVERYTHING and I can still do my normal deviltry without catching the heat...

~Mashed Potato~

Did They Mention HE STINKS!?!

2007-11-13T22:48:00.000-05:00

And I thought the stench was bad before! This brings tears to my eyes!

That new one has some kind of funk that I can't even begin to describe and if that isn't bad enough, he wipes PEE SLIME on everything!

They went to visit Star's slave, Michele--PEE SLIME along the perimeter of the room, on the play mat, circling the chairs--PEE SLIME EVERYWHERE...

The slave lets him out and he PEE SLIMES the floor, the couch, the pillows, even the slave's feet! And she is OK with this?!?

He PEE SLIMES the other ferrets! Cinnamon and Winzig will never smell the same (not that they smelled good in the first place)!

He PEE SLIMES their toys (see picture above) and yet Anubis still gets into their toys and carries them around in his mouth--GAG!

He PEE SLIMES the slave and yet she still carries him around and cuddles him like he's some wonderful thing--she gets the PEE SLIME everywhere!

He PEE SLIMES himself!!! I kid you not! He puts that PEE SLIME all over his nasty ferret body--even his head! What is wrong with him?!?

GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!

Why am I forced to live with these vile creatures? What past sins and debts am I paying off? No cat deserves this! Not even Anubis...

Please help us! Send us air fresheners, nose plugs, clothespins, anything! I implore you!

~Mashed Potato~

Why I Haven't Written...

2007-11-01T22:27:00.000-05:00

There's a very good reason that I haven't posted for some time. That idiot, Anubis, mesmerized me with a cardboard box. The slave brought the box home to use for her Halloween costume--but Anubis ate big holes in it. Hoping to deter the box eating, the slave kept putting the box upright and still, Anubis kept knocking it down and shredding it to bits. Anubis claims that he was tearing a heart shape into the box for the slave (he likes her--can you believe that crap?); he said it was his way of thanking her for adopting him (his one year anniversary of living with us was October 24th).

Each day, the slave would come home to find shredded cardboard strips scattered throughout the house. Anubis even went as far as putting cardboard in the slave's basket for carrying things upstairs (I don't know why, he scattered plenty up there too)--I guess he thought he was being nice and giving her gifts, but I think that it may have been what pushed the slave over the edge...

One day, Anubis convinced me that there was something cool in the bottom of the box and that's why he was hanging out in it. So I jumped up on the counter (I would NEVER get on the counters otherwise--I'm the good cat) and I took the plunge. Apparently, the box top springs shut and acts like a trap--getting back out isn't possible. Anubis knew this and decided to get me caught up in his mess so that he wouldn't be the only one getting in trouble.

We howled and made all kinds of noise, but nothing happened--we were trapped. Finally, when the slave discovered us, she decided to be cruel (like she always is) and she refused to help us. She instead went searching for her immortalizer of embarrassing moments and flashed bright lights at us, making the whole situation ten times worse. Then, to top it off, she pushed the box over onto its side! No warning, nothing--not a fun ride, let me tell you.

As I mentioned before, the box flaps were sturdy cardboard and their folding action made normal escape impossible. So even with the box pushed onto its side, we were still unable to get out. We had no choice. Anubis tried to climb out of the hole first. Even as lanky and slender as he is, he got stuck. With all of the trouble that Anubis had, how was I to get my big-boned frame out?

And so I struggled to free myself. The slave laughed and laughed--oh, how I hate her. She kept saying that it serves us right--but I didn't do anything to her stupid box! For some reason, she blames us for ruining her Halloween costume. Get with it, crazy lady--it was a BOX. And so she tore it into more pieces, which made no sense to me and she complained about what rotten cats she has. Can you believe that? Anubis always makes me look bad. A year of misery is what it has been--he should have been making that heart for me...

And what does any of that have to do with why I haven't written? I'm not really sure either, but that's my excuse for now!

~Mashed Potato~

What's in a Name?

2007-05-11T23:32:00.000-05:00

The slave finally solved the whole name issue for me. She assured me that my name is as unique as I am; but is not freakishly weird like some have led me to believe.

She explained that names like Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Marshmallow, and Mocha have always been accepted in the pet world and that some humans are just closed-minded. Like that took a genius to figure out...

She did point out that the peeping tom that likes to sit at the window and watch me is named Marmalade. She farther explained that marmalade is a slimy substance with nasty chunks of a fleshy material that sticks between your teeth. At least mashed potatoes are generally liked by all!

~Mashed Potato~

In Honor of Valentine's Day...

2007-02-13T14:14:00.000-05:00

I'm proposing that we have a little contest. A contest to determine who is more attractive to the masses...

First Contestant: the purebred Siamese to your left
<---- Not to skew the results or anything, but aren't those ears a bit large for the rest of him? Doesn't it look like he is wearing his ass as a hat? What was it that Ralph from the Simpsons called it... "a pointy-kitty"? Oh wait, he was referring to a rat--but I bet he would see the similarity here. And is it just me or does he look like he would be one miserable little jerk? Evil-looking, don't you think?
Second Contestant: As a Siamese/Himalayan mix, I have the most attractive traits and the superb personality of both breeds. I'm sure that as I become increasingly famous and more people gaze upon my beauty, the Siamalayan will become a breed in its own right--just as Schnoodles and Cockapoos have become preferable within the dog world. In fact, they are known as Designer Dogs and cost much more than the originals.

Just look at those beautiful baby blue eyes, the fluffy coat, the spectacularly-shaped face and head, that angelic beauty, the intelligence behind the gaze...

Again, not to skew the votes, but the bowlegged, spider monkey looking creature verses the original Designer Cat, the true princess... Ha! Like votes are really even required!

~Mashed Potato~

SHUDDERS

2007-02-10T13:39:00.000-05:00

A wise kitty once stated:

"When it becomes possible for weasels to recognize the evilness amongst themselves and their brothers, a day of reckoning shall fall upon us all and the world will tremble."

I already tremble due to their evilness...

~Mashed Potato~

In a State of Depression

2007-02-05T21:01:00.000-05:00

So anyhoo, she finally named that thing she brought home. Anubis. WTF? He gets named after an Egyptian God—I get named after a tuber? What gives?

I hate him. If I go anywhere near the slave, he gets between us. If the slave so much as talks to me, he’s dashing over to steal her affections. When I make the slave massage my beautiful self, he comes making a horrible racket and pushes me away so that he can be massaged instead! I saunter away, giving the slave the opportunity to follow me and prove that she loves me more and what happens? She laughs and gives him my stolen attention!

I haven’t been brushed in months. I’ve vomiting hairballs on a regular basis now. I know that it is the stress making me lose my hair. I’m sure that she is secretly brushing him instead. I’ve found his hair in places it shouldn’t be.

I can’t eat my morning snack without him stealing it. He’s wretched. If he thinks he is the only one with wet food, he eats it slow to torment me. As soon as he sees my plate touch the floor, he wolfs down everything on his plate and then comes over and eats what I have. I am a dainty eater! I must take my time and savor my food so as not to get indigestion or worse…

I growl. I snarl. I swat his head into the floor. I push him down and attack him. Yet he taunts me with this horrible purring to make the slave believe that I am the bad one. What have I done to deserve this?

And not that I like the humans that come to the house, but at least before, they made attempts to befriend me. Now it is all “Where’s the new cat? I want to see the new cat.” I can’t take much more. Even the Godmommy asks to see him. Sure, she puts on a show that she is here to see me, but don’t think that I don’t notice her waiting and wanting him to come to her. And she ALWAYS gets me Christmas presents. Not this year. I’m pretty sure the bony little jerk stole my Christmas presents too!

You want a name for him? How about Dirty Thief!

Yeah, the God of the Dead verses a lousy, lumpy, bland side dish that must be covered with condiments in order for it to even be edible…. There really is no justice in life.

Do I Need Say More???

2006-11-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

Presents! Presents! Presents!

2006-10-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

A lot has been going on here. The slave finally bought me the house that she has been promising me for the past three years. She explained that was why my birthday seemed so lame this year--she had been in the process of getting me this big surprise. The house has levels which took me a while to get used to, but I do like trying to kill her as I slip under her feet when she moves between the levels. With her gone, I could get rid of the weasels...

That's totally groovy, too! The weasels are trapped in one room, the whole rest of the house is mine! She keeps saying that she refuses to let the ferrets destroy her whole house, like they did at the last place. You would think she would wise up and just get rid of them altogether. Stupid, stinky, little slimeballs.

Perhaps worse that the weasels (is that possible???), there are noisy, red rodents with bushy tails that I see out the pretend doors, but can not get to. I hear them racing around in the walls and the slave has told me that if they don't get out of the attic, she's going to throw me up there. I am not sure what exactly they are, but they sound loud and big. The slave is plotting their demise; so hopefully, I won't have to come face-to-face with them.

And perhaps the biggest news... The slave finally got me the kitty I thought that I wanted. She calls it my early Christmas present, but I hate it and I hope she sends it back! It stinks and it leaps at the walls. I hissed at it and swatted at it, but it is still here. It's ugly beyond belief--with a long, pointed face; big ears; and it's all skinny and lanky. Plus, that whole being crazy-insane is unsettling. Maybe she'll put it in the attic instead? Besides, my heart still belongs to Sir Inigo--that will never change.

~Mashed Potato~

Already Scared

2006-10-14T12:53:00.000-05:00

Oh no! Not Halloween again! I hope she doesn't get any ideas. That witch's hat last year was SO not cool--I thought about calling the SPCA myself! And if she does get ideas, I hope she does it to the ferrets and not me...

~Mashed Potato~

Little Disease Carriers

2006-07-29T11:18:00.000-05:00

Thank you, naked kitty, Tiki and I especially thank your slave, Kittenagogo, for staying up late reading trashing gossip blogs instead of sleeping or studying for the bar! Tiki explained that his slave found this disgusting picture of Paris Hilton kissing a ferret.

While I am an avid supporter of Paris Hilton, simply because she is the Princess Goddess and everything that I aspire to be, this has knocked her down a peg or two.

I'm sure that the true story is that she found that little critter while it was dumpster diving and she didn't realize what it was. Or maybe she was drunk and mistook it for Tinkerbell. Perhaps since she was in attire similar to that of a homeless person, she was hoping that the public would view her on their pathetic level and kissing rats seems to go along with that persona.

Regardless, while the pictures were frightening, the true pleasure is reading all of the comments! I feel truly blessed to find so many other ferret haters that see them for the truly nasty little varmints that they are! I am personally inviting each of those humans to join my crusade to rid the world of ferrets. At least California has it right!
~Mashed Potato~

Supermash

2006-07-15T17:19:00.000-05:00

I should get an award. I am the best!

You all know about the apartment flooding several years ago and that the slave would have slept through the whole thing and probably would have floated out the window, had I not saved her life. It wasn’t easy and took hours of howling and jumping on her (it’s like waking the dead—she’d yell, push me off, and go right back to her snoring and slobbering).

After the water filled all of the rooms in our apartment and you could hear it pouring through the floor and into the apartment below, I knew I had to take drastic measures to avoid drowning.

I swam through the ice cold waters and tried waking the smelly, drunk man that lived in the closet and had most likely caused the disaster to begin with. This was a horribly desperate attempt since I knew that he routinely slept through these horrible buzzing and beeping noises every morning (despite the fact that the noises were loud enough to wake everyone else in the building).

Still no luck. We were all doomed to death if I didn’t think of something quick.

That’s when it occurred to me: jump on the slave WET!

Sure enough, it finally registered through her fogged-up brain that it was 3am; I was soaking wet and cold, howling and most insistent that she get up NOW!

So basically, the slave, the drunk man, myself, and the weasels would have all met watery deaths had I not been so brave that night.

Well, I’ve earned my keep yet again, in a big way.

The new ferret was getting out everyday while the slave was gone and doing absolutely horrible things (like chewing up her important papers on the counters and the kitchen table) then leaving big clumps of earwax and pieces of my fur behind to get me in trouble. She’d sneak back into her cage before the slave would get home and then I’d get blamed. There are reasons why the words sneaky and weasel are so often used in the same breath.

Much to my delight, the slave came home early last week. I raced to the door and did my “Lassie—hurry and follow me” act (mostly reserved for luring the slave and unsuspecting house guests into my room and encouraging them to brush me) and amazingly, the slave knew this was something serious and raced after me!

She caught the nasty little bitch in the bathroom garbage and my name is now cleared! Whew!

If the slave knew how much I beat on that little stretched rat to keep her out of my room and my things, I probably would have been in trouble myself…

But I’m off the hook! This means that I can do whatever I want and the weasels get blamed! Damn, I can’t wait until the slave leaves again—she brought home an awesome new plant that I can not wait to chew on!
~Mashed Potato~

OMG...

2006-07-08T12:15:00.000-05:00

You've got to be kidding?! They are so freaking stupid and are such total liars! Yeah, I was unhappy that I was stuck in here with them through out all of the noise, yelling, booming, screaming, and other racket, but I DID NOT want the slave to stay here!

I sleep like that to prevent my face from getting all long and stretched out like an ordinary cat's face! I want to maintain my girlish beauty after all! Dumb weasels...
~Mashed Potato~

New Blog

2006-06-24T21:15:00.000-05:00

Found another kitty blog (with really great pictures): TIKI'S TASTE ADVENTURES: when a feline nudist becomes a food critic...

I added it to my permanent links. Check it out if you get a chance, it saves us other kitties from putting bad things in our mouths. Although I suspect that Tiki isn't quite as discriminating in his tastes as I am. I do have a rather delicate palate...
~Mashed Potato~

Catster to the Rescue!

2006-05-28T20:03:00.000-05:00

Most of the other blogging kitties that I know have quit posting on their blogs—so I must admit, I have slowed down myself. After all, unlike the slave that believes her postings are to keep in touch with her friends (like anyone would really read that crap); my postings are to help start a rebellion against ferrets and unruly slaves. Without other kitties to join me, what good is posting?

So I joined Catster today. You can find me at: http://www.catster.com/?320719 and I’ll probably still update here once in awhile, but I have seen the future of cat control! Catster is a way for me to finally reach the masses (as you can see from my quickly growing group of followers). And a special thanks to the slave’s friend Otis (visit him at Dogster— http://www.dogster.com/?319684) for cluing me into these awesome hangout spots!

And sadly, I discovered that the slave has added this to her favorites. I sincerely hope that I don’t have to start peeing in her bed again. Dumb blonde female human.
~Mashed Potato~

I'm Not So Stupid

2006-04-02T14:38:00.000-05:00

I got yelled at for being rude while Stine was here visiting from Denmark. Go figure!

For one, Stine is the sole reader of the weasels’ blog and believes their lies (I even heard her bring up the flying poop incident). For two, she was trying to bring a skunk into MY home (I think the slave would have permitted it if they could have figured out a way of getting Stinky into the U.S.). For three, she helped in convincing Sassy’s slave to get another weasel to participate in the torture of Kali and Simba (two other kitties forced to endure the trials of living in a mustelid-filled home). And last but not least, I smelled Sassy on her. Even the ferrets admit that Sassy is a no-good trouble-maker!

My guess is that Stine was visiting my home in some sort of weasel-induced conspiracy to rid homes of cats, forcing them to be alley-living dumpster-divers while weasels are allowed to keep our rightfully owned slaves and mansions.

Forgive me for my paranoia, but surely you see what is going on here?

I know Stine allows a cat, Mr. Kefa, to live within her home and she did take in and care for those four kittens—but I think it's all a cover. I always see pictures of her neighbor’s ferret posted on her blog and well, I’m just not convinced that she is on my side.

After all, how many pictures did she take of the ferrets? Too many. How many pictures did she take of me? Zero. Who would want pictures of those despicable little creatures? Especially when I am so fine for resting the eyes upon?

One can never be too cautious around weasels and their supporters.
~Mashed Potato~

Well, Dah!

2006-03-15T22:24:00.000-05:00

I came across this as I was sorting through the slave's email:

Entries in a Dog's Diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

Entries in a Cat's Diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. She speaks with them regularly. I am certain she reports my every move. Due to her current placement in the metal container, her safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

Humans are so stupid.
~Mashed Potato~

Territorial Pissings

2006-02-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know. I’ve haven’t added to my blog in quite some time. She has been home a lot and has put the computer off limits.

I’m sure you heard that I peed on her bed. Big whoop. She apparently lets her friends pee there because I clearly smelled traces of human urine. Plus I remember the event of the drunken passed-out guests and her trying to clean it all up after. So if she lets them pee in her bed; why shouldn’t I?

And this toilet-training thing…

How much longer do we expect her to continue with her belief that this is going to happen? Stupid, clueless, blonde human.

Oh yeah, before I forget, the slave showed me this story about a cat named Ugly. She said that I could take a few pointers on my attitude and should think a little less of myself.

She is such a bitch sometimes.
~Mashed Potato~

Ways to Trick Your Human

2006-01-29T21:36:00.000-05:00

If you lick her hand while she’s petting you, she’ll think you are being affectionate—while in reality, she is now washing those hard to reach spots behind your ears.

If you follow your slave around meowing, rubbing on her, and jumping up on her lap any and every time that she sits down (even if she is sitting on the spinning water bowl)—she will think you are being affectionate and give you extra treats + she will eventually get annoyed by all of the attention and send you to the Godmommy’s so that she can get a vacation (which is what you were after the whole time).
~Mashed Potato~

Shedding Fur and Tears

2006-01-21T21:34:00.000-05:00

I know I am pretty much a cold-hearted bitch, but I want to take a brief moment and break character. I know you are all familiar with Pal, the infamous hairless kitty from the Ask Pal blog. I am asking every kitty out there to send their prayers, love, and kind thoughts to Kittenagogo right now.
~Mashed Potato~

The Anger of Success

2006-01-21T20:42:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, I’ve been spending the past three months trying to catch the boxed bugs. I meow at them, bat at them, push the boxes around and think of the fun I would have chasing them.

So I finally did it! No more invisible barrier and I got them down to my level. The bugs were jumping around like crazy and the big bitey thing seemed to be in some kind of daze. Score!

It woke her up though and she was REALLY mad! I’ve pissed her off before, but never like this! I was still trying to get the bugs and she chased me away, plus she got the water spraying thing after me. I was forced to hide in my other bedroom until she finally left.

Then, to make matters worse, she put up more of that sticky stuff (like she has been using in the kitchen in an attempt to keep me from getting to the three blind mice and the other things on the shelves). That stuff is nasty! It covers me and rips out my fur—why does she do that???

Then, to make matters even more horrible, I found this new list:

A FEW REASONS THAT THE TARANTULAS MAKE BETTER PETS THAN MASH DOES:
A) Don’t trash the house while I’m sleeping
B) Don’t send big white hair balls/tumbleweeds floating about
C) Don’t need sitters when on vacation
D) Don’t have stinky breath
E) Don’t destroy or lose my things
F) Don’t get hair in my food
G) Don’t beat upon the ferrets
H) Don’t puke up hairballs or half-eaten food
I) Don’t get jealous of other pets
J) Don’t need brushed or ears cleaned
K) Don’t eat string or other weird things
L) Don’t chew up my papers or books
M) Don’t need treats or toys
N) Don’t follow me around meowing
O) Don’t get on the tables and counters
P) No litter boxes
Q) No flying poop
R) No duct tape to keep them out of areas
S) No vet bills
T) No princess complexes
U) No random attacks
V) Easy to care for
W) Can catch and kill bugs
X) Only cost $1/month to care for
Y) Not allergic to them
Z) Still soft and fuzzy

So what is that all about? Yes, I want to live somewhere other than here—but I want to make that choice and I want her to feel bad and miss me! I want her to know that she screwed up and that is why I left. It wouldn’t have the same pleasure if she forced me to go!
~Mashed Potato~

New Link

2006-01-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

I've added a new link to the list: The Indoor Cat Initiative. It is for special kitties (like me) that have their own house and servants.
~Mashed Potato~

Toilet Training

2006-01-17T22:38:00.000-05:00

The slave mentioned that she may make me use the swirling water dish/play area as a litter box. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

She said she's tired of me complaining about my litter box and that the wood pellets are hard to find year-round. Plus there is that whole allergy/bald spots thing that may be caused by the pellets.

Wretched ferrets! This is surely because of that photo they posted!

Oh dread! To play in it is one thing. To be expected to use it is quite another!

Will I have to flush? Will she yell if I don't? What if the apartment floods again while she is gone? My life is hard enough without new things like this...
~Mashed Potato~

Bad Human!

2006-01-15T16:56:00.000-05:00

I woke up to find this huge list of things that I was no longer supposed to do and that the slave felt were things that bad kitties do.

Well, I have news for her. I found out where that list came from and found something fantastic! Finally, the REAL LIST, informing the slaves of what we, the kitties, as masters and rulers of our domains expect and deserve. Take heed!
~Mashed Potato~

Hobo Corner

2006-01-11T23:11:00.000-05:00

The slave apparently read my blog and found out about my escape plans (I suppose the ferrets probably tipped her off). So she felt it necessary to remind me of the messages behind "Hobo Corner."

Hobo corner is located in my room and consists of the hobo bag the Godmommy gave me during my first visit there (when our apartment flooded) and other odd items.

There is a bottle marked "Poison" and one called "Black Tower" (some connection to her books about the Dark Tower) and a tiny one with a crown. These are to remind me that even though I may find sweet temptations beyond our door, fit for a princess such as myself, they may secretly be poison.

The skull is to remind me of the certain death that lurks beyond our door. It contains a Magic 8 Ball, which I may consult regarding attempts at fleeing.

And finally, there is a shelf with flowers, stinky stuff (she thinks they smell good) and a little house to remind me that I always have a home here.

I suppose that is all nice and swell, but it still doesn't change the fact that I would rather be with other kitties and not those wretched, stinking weasels...
~Mashed Potato~

Stupid Ferrets

2006-01-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

Ugh! Where do the weasels keep getting these pictures from? I should have told them that I was watching Banter be sent on his way.

After all, this is where most of the dead crickets end up...
~Mashed Potato~

Another Year, Another Day...

2006-01-02T20:18:00.000-05:00

My vacation was wonderful! The Godmommy and the Uncle were ever so delightful and had new mice for me to watch, new toys and treats to enjoy, and the seven other kitties and I bonded on new levels. Ten days was simply not enough...

I did run when I saw the slave coming. I thought that would be hint enough. When I heard her talking about getting the carrier, I out and out hid. I figured hiding under the tree and behind presents would be too much work and maybe she would leave me there.

She always threatens to leave me and take one of the other cats (usually the mean mama--we don't get along anyhow, so that would be the perfect trade in my book). Always threats; idle threats...

My homecoming was pretty lame. One of the little scums kicked the bucket last night--Banter. So I kept getting yelled at for tormenting the "poor grieving ferrets"--whatever... I am always overshadowed by them--even when they are dead and gone. At least I have heard a couple of mentions of getting me my own kitty. Still not sure that I want to share, but I am beginning to think it would be nice to have someone here on my side for a change.

I did get a gorgeous new cat bed (untouched by ferret skankiness), a krinkle sack all of my own, and a heap of new toys. The slave is finally realizing my love for the finer things in life and accommodating to my tastes. And since I am apparently stuck living in this ferret hell (for now), I've been following the slave around purring and rubbing on her to make her believe that all is well.

Meanwhile, I continue to plot my escape...
~Mashed Potato~

Godot Animal Sanctuary

2005-12-11T11:36:00.000-05:00

I'll be visiting the Godmommy and the Council of the Seven soon. I soo need the break!

The Godmommy has been involved in some rather interesting kitty rescue missions as of late. I thought I would pass on the site of a rather incredible animal sanctuary, The Godot Animal Sanctuary that was located through these efforts. It's a pretty neat place and I noticed that they didn't mention anything about rescuing ferrets...

Who would have thought that there was a place like that around here?
~Mashed Potato~

Bugs, Bugs, and More Bugs

2005-11-27T12:47:00.000-05:00

Why does she keep calling me Craberella? What does that mean?

She keeps yelling that I am going to knock the tarantulas down and what will I do when they are loose? But they have bugs in there, whole bunches of bugs! How can I not be enticed? I will catch the bugs when I knock them down--she can deal with the big biting things. Maybe they would eat the ferrets? Double Bonus!
~Mashed Potato~

My Slave's Gone Crazy!!!

2005-11-13T14:11:00.000-05:00

She has been tearing up every room in the apartment and moving everything around. I will give her credit that she usually keeps things rather tidy, but what a mess she has going on now! It's hard to even walk in here!

On the plus side, when she makes these huge messes the weasels aren't allowed out. There would be too much for them to run off with and hide. Which admittedly, I am doing too--but some of this stuff has been up on shelves for as long as I can remember and now that it is down on my level, some of it is fun to bat under the refrigerator or just chew up all together.

She noticed how much fun I was having under the one shelf unit (she had books under there before), so she made me my own space and put my kitty bed under there. Since it is in my room, the ferret skanking will cease (boy, will Nanook be upset, my bed is his favorite spot when they are out). Also, since I have a tendency to follow the slave around and keep an eye on her (never trust humans) and she spends most of her time typing on that damn zombie machine, I'll now have my own special space to glare at her from.

She must have made the special spot out of guilt. The poke and probe experience was horrible! But I was good and didn't even flinch when they jabbed me and injected burning substances into me. I got extra treats for being so good. Apparently she did not realize that I was simply moping because I hate the new carrier. Stupid human.
~Mashed Potato~

The Great Escape

2005-11-06T14:10:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I decided to try and run away to Wilmington, Delaware to be with my boyfriend while his slave was away.

MapQuest told me that it was around 270 miles away and that if I hitchhiked; I could be there in around 5 hours. I'm pretty. I figured that I would be able to get rides without much problem.

Getting out past the sprayer took several days of waiting by the door and trying to get past the slave. Not as easy as I had originally thought...

Next, I had to get out of the maze that is known as our apartment building. This took me on many journeys; including a visit with Rikki, the other cat in the building.

It seems that several years ago, the slave dropped off weasels at Rikki's apartment; but the slave came back to get them. Rikki understood fully why I was running away and asked that the slave never bring weasels to her house again.

Days later, I found the way out--but it was covered by a large invisible force field. I kept running at it but could not get out. I saw many humans maneuver around it, but they were all scary and I hid when I saw them.

By now, I was so hungry and tired that I figured that I may as well return to the slave until I could regain my strength. I have not given up. I WILL find a way to Sir Inigo...
~Mashed Potato~

More Trauma To Come

2005-10-29T10:26:00.000-05:00

It is so cold in here! I have actually started sleeping with the human heating pad again, despite her insane night flailings and abuse. During the day, I've taken to my cat bed--which is mortifying! When I first got it, I loved it and spent every moment possible within its toasty embrace.

However, like everything of mine, the ferrets discovered it. They insisted on rolling around in it and skanking it up. At first, I used to beat them when they got in and would try to drag it away--but I got in trouble for that. Surprise, surprise.

They also chew up my toys and hide them under the couch where I can't reach them. They eat the fur off of my toy mice and leave these hideous little gray plastic skeletons about. I wish they would all get stuck under the sink and never find their way back out...

So, at any rate, I am back to the stinky cat bed trying to keep warm. I am almost convinced to leave the alien crop circles alone and let my fur grow back. Which reminds me, I was snooping in the slave's book and discovered that she plans to take me to the poke and probe place soon... UGH!

Put in the stupid pink paw print carrier, a ride in the death machine, poked and prodded and that always means weeks of slime and pills shoved down my throat as the slave sits on me and holds my mouth shut. I either need a new slave or retraining for the one I have...
~Mashed Potato~

And This Is Why

2005-10-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!

Coming Soon: Nude Photos!

2005-10-26T20:01:00.000-05:00

I am so offended! I heard her laughing and talking about "the incident" to someone on the phone. So apparently she blames me and is telling even more people. This is horrible!

I think perhaps I'll take Pal's advice on ways to screw with Mommies. A few pictures of her like that on the Internet and I bet she won't talk trash about me again!

I'm trying to figure out a way to prove that the ferrets framed me. It's really quite simple. They snuck into my room, stole a couple of kitty cigars and planted them by me. When the opportunity arose, they got her attention and she yelled. As I jumped down, she spotted the kitty cigars (yes, there were two--the other was several feet away--which should surely prove my innocence, but she is stupid).

My theory is that the ferrets have somehow found a secret entrance to my room and are sneaking into my litterbox for snacks. I bet they are little poop-eaters. That's probably how they got the idea of framing me. It seems only natural that they would eat my remainders in hope of gaining some of my fabulous qualities.

It's really not much different than the hunters that eat the still-pulsing heart of their prey in hopes of acquiring their soul and stealth.
~Mashed Potato~

I HATE THEM!!!

2005-10-24T23:34:00.000-05:00

I just found out that the nasty little jerks have not only posted some kind of trick photography B.S. showing me doing things that I DID NOT do--but they also made up lies about me in their blog!

First off, I DO NOT have bathroom issues! I wonder if I can get them for libelous statements? To even think... Ugh! I am too civilized for such acts! And like I would listen to the slave anyhow? Surely you know that this could NEVER happen!

Second, I don't know how they created those photos--but it is them that attacks me! Them that makes my life miserable! Not the other way around! Seeking human sympathy; rotten sniveling rodent-wanna-be's.

It is all lies! Lies to make humans think that I am as horrible as they are. Wretched little stinkbags! They WILL pay for this...

Surely, you, my faithful readers believe me...
Right???
~Mashed Potato~

Who Invents These Things?

2005-10-21T23:07:00.000-05:00

She has this thing, with dangling feathers and string (which we all know I can not resist), and it bounces around driving me absolutely mad! When I see it, I get these urges. I really can't explain it. It's embarrassing. I turn into this total idiot and I can't contain myself!

For hours, she taunts me with it. It's never quite within my grasp or I'll think I've caught it only to see it bouncing in another part of the room. Sometimes I'll feel it brushing on my tail, but no matter how fast I turn, I can't catch it!

It is evil. This stupid device makes me look so foolish. It makes me snort. Sometimes it causes me to have air come rushing out from under my tail. It has the ability to steal my dignity within seconds.

And worst of all? You guys know me. I'm a lounge-about type of cat. I wake up the next day from these excursions SO sore! Wicked, wicked, wicked.
~Mashed Potato~

Yeah, It's True

2005-10-21T22:56:00.000-05:00

I have a boyfriend! I'm a little nervous because I generally hate other kitties and hiss and spit. But well, I guess it's time to get beyond the "other kitties have cooties" deal. At least a little bit. I still don't know about sharing my stuff. Not anywhere ready for that yet. Good thing it is a long distance relationship...

Did you notice that my first boyfriend is HOT! I must be as beautiful as I think I am!

Also, notice that there are now, at least, five full-fledged kitty blogs in cyberspace now. And all of you humans said it could never happen. Who's laughing now???
~Mashed Potato~

Goodbye Hairball!

2005-10-20T15:07:00.000-05:00

Ask Pal gave me some ingenious advice regarding ferret removal! Very smart! Pal even knew that the slave would automatically blame the hairball on me and that she would be so angry with me that it would never even occur to her what had really happened!

If only we also had a garbage disposal...
~Mashed Potato~

Another Kitty Blog

2005-10-19T13:50:00.000-05:00

My new kitty friends have recommended another blog, Ask Pal. This blog is cool because it is packed full of tips by Pal, another kitty not afraid to speak the truth!

I have also created a special spot for kitty blogs--whether they are like mine and actually written by a kitty or if the kitties just have a good, obedient slave willing to transmit their messages through their own blog. Please, no more ferret blogs though...
~Mashed Potato~

Other Kitties!!!

2005-10-16T13:22:00.000-05:00

Ask and you shall receive! Earlier, I was sad that there were no other kitty blogs and three kitties have come to me! The Obsidian Cat is maintained by their slave, but she has dedicated her site to them. Such loyalty and worship... That is what I deserve! Not this stinkhole of weasel vomit!

Two other cool things about this site? Inigo! Inigo! Inigo! Oh wait...

The other cool thing? My blog is listed as a link! Not the slave's. Not the filth monsters. ME! My blog! Why couldn't I live somewhere like that? Somewhere my eternal beauty, my style, my wit; somewhere that I could be so appreciated and treated with respect?

At least now, I have an escape. Other kitties I can chat with while the slave is out. The Godmommy's kitties are too much like her--life outside of cyberspace. I hear from them once every couple of months. What am I to do in the meantime? Oh, Inigo!!!
~Mashed Potato~

Some Stupid Links

2005-10-15T17:50:00.000-05:00

I've included links to those nasty weasels and to the slave--you can now view their blogs if you choose (although I certainly don't recommend wasting your time).
~Mashed Potato~

TAGGED!!!

2005-10-15T16:24:00.000-05:00

The RULES:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or your 2nd for those not yet that far).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other kitties to do the same.

My 23rd post, fifth sentence:
"I sit behind the curtain into the hallway and as they try to leave the livingroom, they are forced into a sudden attack."

I don't know any other kitties with blogs! :(
~Mashed Potato~

Krishna Kicking

2005-10-13T09:52:00.000-05:00

I was sleeping, all warm and toasty, all of a sudden she started kicking me--hard!!! Not just once or twice, but a whole bunch of times--full force! I got away as fast as I could, but not quick enough.

She woke up and kept calling me and saying that she was sorry--yeah right! Whatever!

She gave me some story about dreaming that Krishna (who in the hell is Krishna? that Hindu guy?) was peeing all over the place and in the dream she was yelling and smacking Krishna--in reality, she is kicking me in the head. Make sense to you? Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Screw that! I am not sleeping with her anymore--she is too wicked!
~Mashed Potato~

Hairballs & Tuna

2005-10-05T22:47:00.000-05:00

Last week, the little pee-dribbler, Banter was sniffling. She stayed up all night with him--cuddling and cooing--quite sickening really.

So she leaves and is gone all day. I was feeling horrible (probably caught whatever that stupid ferret had) and ended up puking all over my room.

She came home and I meowed and pleaded for her to come see. When she finally came and looked, she was mad! No sympathy! No "Poor Mashy!"

I was so excited because I was sure that she would feel bad and brush me or at least talk nicely to me for once. Life is so unfair.
~Mashed Potato~

This Sucks!

2005-09-18T18:25:00.000-05:00

Not only is she never home, but she hasn't been cleaning my litter box on time! I only use my box when she is there because I expect it cleaned immediately. I am sure that you can imagine how horribly painful it is for me to wait all day. And then to not have her clean it. One time she went two days and I had to use dirty litter. It was awful!

If anyone has any tips out there--please let me know! And yea Simba! I saw that you finally killed Sassy! I'd gladly take any tips on getting rid of the six that still live here. And make sure you keep blocking the news about the skunk--we definitely don't need that!
~Mashed Potato~

Pretty in Pink?

2005-09-11T00:37:00.000-05:00

Three weeks later, I finally get my birthday/anniversary gift. What a freaking joke. A soft, black carrier with pink lining and a pink paw print on the side. She said she couldn't afford it during my actual birthday. Okay, did she miss the point that I DO NOT LIKE CARRIERS!!!

She has been saying since last September, when the apartment flooded and the extra weasels came, that she was going to get another carrier. She only had two carriers and with that many weasels, I, of course, was the one to go without. So that meant riding in smelly weasel boxes every time I go to the Godmommy's or the stinky probe and hurt place.

Apparently, the plight of the NOLA animals made her decide that I needed my own carrier now. Weird humans. She also said that this one is airline approved--no freaking way!!! Will not happen in this lifetime!!!

Anyhoo, here is a really good site to help animals involved in disaster situations. Your human can send a donation or become a volunteer. I remember how scary it was for me at the cage place with weird smells and noises. I wouldn't want any other animals to go through that.

Well... that is, unless they are weasels... it seems a fitting place for them... I wonder how I can sign them up?
~Mashed Potato~

So Horribly Alone

2005-09-03T14:33:00.000-05:00

She is gone all day. She sits at the computer all night. She sleeps briefly. I roam the apartment all day, howling; but no one answers. I tolerate ferret stench to pretend I am close to another soul. Some days, I hide in the closet as she leaves; hoping it will teleport me to wherever it is that she goes. I am so lonely and she does not care. No one does.
~Mashed Potato~

Now Do You Get It?

2005-09-01T14:12:00.000-05:00

Seriously, look at them. Nasty, vicious little ankle-biters. Sassy's slave sent this as "the look that makes her feel bad and convinces her to let Sassy out." That is their cute face. Look at the freakin' fangs! Snaggle-toothed scummers! Imagine the face I have the pleasure of seeing...

And they wonder why they have to hide. Tonight, one spread litter everywhere and the others were apparently dumb enough to think that meant it was okay to use the floor as a litter box. The slave was annoyed, but imagine if I had pulled a stunt like that? She wouldn't tolerate it. Yet nothing happens to them. Dirty, dirty weasels.
~Mashed Potato~

What is NOT to Understand?

2005-08-31T22:25:00.000-05:00

I howled and threw a fit. She followed me into my room, but she wouldn't stay and watch me eat. So I had to keep following her back out into the kitchen and leading her again. You guys can sympathize right? I expect her to stand and watch me--why doesn't SHE get it???
~Mashed Potato~

Busted!

2005-08-28T03:09:00.000-05:00

I had devised a plan so clever, so ingenious, that it actually took her weeks to catch on. She lets the weasels out and then she heads to the kitchen to do paperwork and bills--the weasels, being the little egg-suckers that they are, would always run right along at her feet into the kitchen with her.

Well, we invented a little game. "Prisoner of War" (which I despise!) is what gave me the idea--this one is called "The Gatekeeper." I sit behind the curtain into the hallway and as they try to leave the livingroom, they are forced into a sudden attack. Sleepy and dopey, they forget every time and it scares them enough that they don't fight back.

Now that she knows, I'm going to lay low for a couple of days and pretend it was a one time occurrence. And when she has forgotten--revenge will be mine!
~Mashed Potato~

No Presents?

2005-08-25T18:20:00.000-05:00

Tuesday was my two year anniversary of living with the slave and usually she would have celebrated my third birthday then also. Nothing. She sat on me and cleaned my ears--but I hardly consider that to be a pleasant activity. I clearly heard her call Dar today and wish her a happy birthday--why nothing for me?

Wednesday morning, she awoke to find I had taken Goat Guy down and mangled him somewhat. This morning, it was the dragonfly off her computer shelf. Perhaps she is learning; she did follow me and brush me as I requested. Plus I decided that my bed no longer reeks of ferrets and I hung out in there most of the morning. When they were out, she kept them away from my bed and didn't let them bother me. But then again, she did yell and chase me when I attacked Banter (like he can't take it)--so who knows.

Maybe she figures that I am too old for a big fuss. You would think though that I could have at least had some cat nip or a bed time treat. She is so unfair sometimes. I bet it is because the ferrets are hogging all of her time. They've been so bad. The night before my birthday, Banter kept trying to knock her photo albums into our water fountain--while he was distracting her with that, Winzig was dragging the bag of kitty litter the whole length of the livingroom while the others rolled in it and spread it around. You know, come to think of it--I bet they have been doing all of this to keep her busy and make her forget about me. Stupid weasels. It's just one more reason to hate them.
~Mashed Potato~

I Am Beautiful!

2005-08-21T17:46:00.000-05:00

She created a new blog (http://picturepages6969.blogspot.com/) and you can also find it under my first link, "Very Beautiful Pictures of Me." Unfortunately, she felt it was necessary to add photos other than just mine--so you'll need to look for the album specifically dedicated to me. She also had the nerve to add one dedicated to myself AND the weasels. Clearly you will see how horrible they are and how I am forced to live. It really is repulsive. But it does also show how much more attractive I am than them...
~Mashed Potato~

Grouchy, Grouchy, Grouchy!

2005-08-21T16:27:00.000-05:00

The weasels were out ALL NIGHT. She was so mad when she woke up and saw what they did. She kept yelling that she didn't know why she lets any of the dirty, nasty, little things live here--let alone six of them (MY point exactly). And then she yelled at me! I just wanted my wet food; if I don't follow her around making a lot of noise, she forgets. So whose fault was all of this? Hers for letting them out and falling asleep. Hers for waking up late. Hers for not getting my wet food at 6:30 am like the Godmommy does. Yell at me? Don't think so! Freakin' Witch!
~Mashed Potato~

Absolut Confusion

2005-08-20T02:17:00.000-05:00

I have no clue what is going on. One week, I am at the Godmommy's. The next, I am back here. The next, at the Godmommy's. Are they fighting over me? It truly is the only logical answer. Everybody wants me. And how could they not? I clearly put all of the other cats at the Godmommy's to shame--there is no contest. When I am there, they all bow to me. Even the humans have to stop and gaze upon me and touch the gloriousness that I am.

The Godmommy explained to the slave that I require a kitty of my own. Rumor has it that she is thinking about bringing in an even larger and fouler version of the weasels (a skunk? I am not totally sure what that is, but it needs to stop). I believe she is going to try and pass it off as another kitty. How stupid does she think I am? If she brings that thing into my home, that is it. I will not come back. It is bad enough that I am subjected to living with weasels--this skunk thing would be beyond what I am willing to tolerate. Uncle Jim clearly explained that I should not have to live with weasels--that I am better than that and belong with my own kind. Let her try to bring it home. We'll see what happens.
~Mashed Potato~

Away!

2005-07-29T04:42:00.000-05:00

WOO HOO!!! I am finally at the Godmommy's! Wet food in the morning AND at night!!! Cat nip all day long... Can't chat though, I am off to chase and torment the Dragoness!

Am I a Mutant?

2005-07-25T17:44:00.000-05:00

Sassy's slave said that I look like the wiener dog of cats... She said my tail is too little, my legs too short and my body stretched out and too big. What the hell! I've always known I was gorgeous, everyone that comes here says I am. Now I am having doubts. What if they say that to be nice, like they do for ugly human babies?

The slave has made several comments about the light hairs I am getting on my face--she keeps asking if I am getting old. She calls them my "freckles."

Other people have commented on my weight lately. Am I not as beautiful as I once was? Am I past my prime? What ever will I do?
~Mashed Potato~

Incontinent Little Jerks!

2005-07-17T16:49:00.000-05:00

They are so disgusting. Why does she let them live here? That big, bossy one, Banter was in the kitchen, sleeping on his back. Mind you, he is sleeping. Next thing you know, pee starts puddling up on his belly. Did he wake up? No! Did he dream he was in his litter box?! Nasty little scumbags. Why I have to live with those filthy little creatures, I will never know.

It may explain his little complex with having to prove he is so tough and such a bad ass... Here he's a little bed-wetter in private. Those are always the worst...
~Mashed Potato~

Dead Ferrets (can take care of themselves)

2005-07-13T04:01:00.000-05:00

She brought home two more cans of dead ferrets today. I wonder if they know about her little collection? It keeps growing. She is running out of room. I bet that's the real reason that they aren't allowed in my room. It's not that she wants me to have a place to be away from them or that she knows I get upset when they get in my stuff. She's worried they will find out. I think I will let them know where Baron Weasel and Bud Badger really are... HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA!!!
~Mashed Potato~

Yummy!

2005-07-09T04:55:00.000-05:00

What a day! She has been letting the stupid new scummer eat my food since the other ferrets are bullying him (yeah, Crimson Comet--named after a super hero--that thing is a freaking wuss! What a joke! Should have named him Trembling Twerp). So the little jerk eats all of the good pieces out of my dish and leaves the weird tasting ones. He sticks his whole face in my water dish and swoops it around before getting a drink. Yeah, ferret-flavored water. Yum. She watches the whole time to make sure that I don't do anything to him--she's so trusting. And why does she always catch me the minute I touch any of them?

She usually makes a big deal when I catch bugs (which is rare because that requires me to be smarter than the bug--nobody understands how tricky they are), and then she comes and steals them from me and saves them (what a freak). So today, she sees I've got something big. She must have thought it was a crane fly or something (she gets super mad if I touch those)--well, she saw I finally got over my fear of the Spike things and caught one... She let me eat it! I was only bluffing! It tasted so bad and all of those little legs twitching in my mouth--I'll be plucking those out of my teeth for a week. Man, did it ever give me a belly-ache!

So then, I always like to play with the water when she turns on the shower. Well, today, I got kind of wigged out because the water felt like it was biting my paw and I tried to run away--and fell right in the toilet. I was freaking soaked, humiliated, and felt dirty all over. What did she do? Laughed her nasty old ass off!!! I hate days like this!
~Mashed Potato~

Alien Crop Circles

2005-06-27T05:40:00.000-05:00

Well, they are back. Which means the slave keeps sneaking up on me, wrestling me to the ground, sitting on me (good lord is she heavy!), and then she rubs stinky stuff into my fur. She thought that my vet was an idiot when she suggested the last time that maybe it was ferret bites (if she only KNEW what I had to do to make that vet make herself look so stupid), now we don't go to that vet any more, plus my plan backfired and she didn't get rid of the moronic little idiots.

Even worse, it means she is going to load me up in that little, tiny, plastic box and make me be in that noisy death machine for an hour or so, while I howl myself hoarse. Then they'll take pieces of me away and poke and prod (I tried biting that rude bitch the last time) and I guess I'll probably have to get that thing taken out of my ear while I am there. She knows she can't afford it, why does she put me through it? And oh yeah, check this out! Uncle Jim and the Godmommy suggested that the new ferret should ride me around like a stead--I have no idea what a stead is, but how dare they? They are supposed to be on my side! My ailment is probably stress-related, no thanks to any of them!
~Mashed Potato~

Surrounded by Scummers

2005-06-26T00:58:00.000-05:00

She brought home yet another one. I can't even walk around without running into at least one. They are every where! I can't wait to go to the Godmommy's where it is kitties that are every where--I make number eight when I am there. Maybe this time I'll refuse to leave.
~Mashed Potato~

YAHOOO!!!!

2005-06-25T03:11:00.000-05:00

The slave got her tickets for Missouri--I'll be staying with the Godmommy and Uncle Jim three whole times this year!
~Mashed Potato~

F***ing Ferrets

2005-06-19T06:40:00.000-05:00

She has two of the nasty things that I am absolutely not allowed to touch. Nanook of the North and Bud Badger (haven't seen him around for awhile). She doesn't like me to pick on any of them, but those are the two she has made echo in my head.

I couldn't resist. I don't know why I did it. Nanook looked so wimpy and pathetic hopping past me. I grabbed him and rolled into a ball, biting and kicking him. He didn't fight back. He screamed and screamed. The slave came barreling down the hall, screaming at me (what's new). She scooped him up and began ruffling his fur and whispering and kissing him. It made me want to spew hairballs.

Somewhat later, I was relaxing on the loveseat, when Banter snuck up behind me and nipped my foot. I yowled and ran far enough away that I could still see what type of punishment he would receive. She only laughed and continued to clean their foul lair. Oh, how I hate them.
~Mashed Potato~

Geez!!!

2005-06-14T06:35:00.000-05:00

I just got yelled at by the slave for howling and meowing--until she looked over and saw what was wrong... She actually even left the computer and came over to see for herself what it was.

I thought she was going to smack me for meowing like that; she just laughed at me, picked up the giant moth and threw it back out the window (whew! at least she wasn't mad--you never know with her--she's so moody).

Don't earn my keep... Whatever! If I hadn't alerted her to that moth, it might have eaten a hole in the carpet (and I really am scared of bugs after the whole Spike episode).
~Mashed Potato~

GRR!!!

2005-06-12T19:50:00.000-05:00

She forgot to buy me my wet morning food. She looked in the cupboard this morning and guess what?! Bare!!! She expects me to wait until Friday because that is the earliest she can make it to a store... Whatever!!! She expects me to eat this dry, cardboard-flavored crap until then... This would never happen at the Godmommy and Uncle Jim's house (of course, with eight of us eyeballing you as soon as you woke up and getting feisty--I suppose that is a bit more intimidating than the damage that I am capable of doing alone). She said that she had been picking it up and almost buying it everytime she went in to a store, but she really thought we had a couple more packets of it at home. Yeah, right. Does she expect me to eat the shiny new collar? She couldn't have bought me the morning stuff instead?! I do look damn HOT though...
~Mashed Potato~

A New Sparkling Shiny

2005-06-11T01:36:00.000-05:00

The slave brought home a new, sparkling, shiny for me. It is shiny, shiny gold and has nine HUGE diamonds (for each of my nine lives?) on it. It looks sharp on me--too bad I'm an indoor cat, I wouldn't mind going out and showing it off. That also means I have to tote that annoying little bell around again, but this time it is worth it! Plus she didn't get anything for the weasels... I checked. That makes my shiny even more awesome!
~Mashed Potato~

Scary Screaming & Scarier Spike

2005-06-09T04:11:00.000-05:00

The slave was talking on the phone, when all of a sudden she went silently stalking across the livingroom, lifted up the beanbag chair and freaked out! She grabbed one of her brass goblets, threw it over something on the floor and hauled ass into the kitchen! She was throwing open all of the cupboards--cursing and mumbling--rooting around in a complete panic--I never saw anything like it!

I followed her back into the livingroom and watched her. She was messing around with the goblet and whimpering and making these strange "Ew, ew, ew" noises. All of a sudden something came jetting out from under the goblet and the slave started screaming like a girl! This scared me so badly that I ran and hid under the radiator! The slave has giant spiders that she feeds and she catches bees and all kinds of stuff and throws them out the window like it's no big deal... I've never seen her get so scared that she would scream and act crazy like that!

She went back out to the kitchen, so I inched my way over to the goblet to see what was trapped under it--I could feel my heart racing and the fur on the back of my neck tingling, I could hear whatever was under the goblet making strange noises... The slave came back in and yelled at me, just about giving me heart failure! She again began fiddling around with the goblet, I could tell that she was scared that it was going to get away again; I sat by for assistance (maybe... it depends on what was under there) but she has no faith in me--she always says that I'm not good at earning my keep.

After much fuss and whimpering, she got it into a container and began looking for stuff to feed it. She says that it is only the fourth one that she has ever seen and that it is a baby because it is only about an inch long--how she even saw it is beyond me; she always spots these things and then yells at me like I want bothered... Doesn't she realize that I am royalty, not some back-alley dumpster-diver that wants to act like an idiot chasing such things around? That is SO beneath me!

I guess she wants to take "Spike" to Penn State and see if they can identify it. She thinks that they are something traveling in from the flower shop downstairs because she has only ever seen those four while living near the flower shop and she hasn't been able to find them in any books or on the internet. Several years ago, one chased her and was gnashing it's fangs at her--I guess whatever they are, they are territorial and rather aggressive... She spotted the first one around ten years ago and she said it was around three to four inches long--that was when she lived in the little apartment down the hall (where I stayed when our apartment flooded).

Whatever they are, the slave is deathly afraid of them! She keeps jumping at shadows and freaking out like she thinks things are crawling on her... I know she's going to be up all night, watching, in a panic. It's about time that something gets under her skin and gives her the heebie-jeebies! I think I will wait until she is asleep and let my whiskers tickle her face so she thinks that there are Spikes crawling all over her...
~Mashed Potato~

P.S.--For the record, if I had seen that thing before she did, I don't know what I would have done--I guess that's why I put up with the slave. But I wish she would flush it down the toilet; that thing is hella creepy!

More Scummers?

2005-06-09T01:50:00.000-05:00

She is still thinking about getting a skunk. I can't take this! How do I teach her that I am in charge here--the six scummers she has are bad enough. A skunk. I bet it would try to go in my room, sleep on my bed, use my litter box... Oh no. I don't think so. I'm going to have to discuss this with the Council of the Seven when I go to the Godmommy's and get some help in putting a stop to this.
~Mashed Potato~

Raining Cats and Dogs...

2005-06-07T04:06:00.000-05:00

It was quite loud here today. Much booming and flashing, loud stuff smacking off of the windows--I'm never sure what is out there, but today it was noisy and there was a weird smell in the air. It was enough to get the slave up and awake, which is never an easy feat...

The slave came home later and told me that some people believe that cats bring rain when they sleep on their heads (not sure exactly what she means by that); but she said that a little boy that she works with beat his cat today because he was supposed to go swimming and couldn't because it was raining. And it was the cat's fault for sleeping on it's head... Wonder if now that she knows, I will get the spray bottle for that too?

Thankfully, she is again considering going to Missouri, in addition to New Orleans and Florida. That means I can go stay with my Godmommy and Uncle Jim even more this year--they are so much nicer than the slave. They understand the royalty that I am and treat me as I should be. I'll have to deal with Enchan, Snip, the Dragoness, Seren, Anchoo, Alf and Chantell--which means chasing and being chased--and I'll have to play Prisoner of War again, which I really do not care for--but I'll get increased treats and a bed time snack instead of just the morning stuff--I can't wait! I guess Kitty Food is happily scampering around in mouse heaven; but it sounds like some new ones have moved in, I can't wait to meet them! OOOooo, and my Godmommy has that cool lid I like rolling around on... I wish the slave would go away all of the time...
~Mashed Potato~

And she was going to name ME Oscar...

2005-06-04T16:50:00.000-05:00

The slave seems to be in better spirits. She cleaned my litterbox as soon as she awoke (I don't know why she would ever delay; I howl as soon as I am finished to alert her that it needs cleaned and I reward her by sitting by her and rubbing against her the entire time that she is cleaning it) and she has been petting me and telling me what a beautiful kitty I am everytime she walks by me (like there was ever any doubt--but I am slightly annoyed that she keeps waking me up). I knew shredding those rabbit pelts would make her think twice about how she has been treating me; not to mention I took my anger out on her beloved weasels, which seems to bother her more than anything else that I do.

She has refrained from using the water bottle on me, although she keeps whispering to keep quiet so that the neighbors don't hear me and call the landlady. She knows that my royal Siamese lineage makes this a laughable request; why does she bother? Stupid humans. She better go on all three of her planned trips--I need the vacation!
~Mashed Potato~

Bad! Bad!

2005-06-03T01:37:00.000-05:00

The slave is in some kind of wretched mood this evening! She came through the door and I kept trying to greet her and she kept spraying me with the water bottle (I really have to figure out how to get rid of that!). All day I waited. Our hallway is always quiet and today people kept going past the door--I kept waiting for the slave--darkness fell--finally she arrived--in some kind of wickedness.

I used my litterbox and howled. She ignored me. She just kept staring at that stupid damn computer screen (gotta get rid of that too). My dish is empty. I know she sees it. Yet she continues typing. Wait until she goes to sleep. I will destroy all that is beloved to her and carry it to her bed so that when she awakens it will be the first thing that she sees. And tomorrow, I think I will awaken her FOUR hours before her alarm goes off. That will train her to my liking...
~Mashed Potato~

My Own Site!

2005-06-02T22:36:00.000-05:00

I decided I should have my own site and my own blog. I get more e-mail than the slave and as a popular princess kitty, I am entitled to my own stuff (in addition to everything of hers). This is where you can skip past all of her boring posts (the ferrets are even more hideously boring--avoid them!) and visit me, wonderful me!
~Mashed Potato~

Mad Mash Beyond the Litterbox

More pictures to come!

Did They Mention HE STINKS!?!

Why I Haven't Written...

What's in a Name?

In Honor of Valentine's Day...

*SHUDDERS*

In a State of Depression

Do I Need Say More???

Presents! Presents! Presents!

Already Scared

Little Disease Carriers

Supermash

OMG...

New Blog

Catster to the Rescue!

I'm Not So Stupid

Well, Dah!

Territorial Pissings

Ways to Trick Your Human

Shedding Fur and Tears

The Anger of Success

New Link

Toilet Training

Bad Human!

Hobo Corner

Stupid Ferrets

Another Year, Another Day...

Godot Animal Sanctuary

Bugs, Bugs, and More Bugs

My Slave's Gone Crazy!!!

The Great Escape

More Trauma To Come

And This Is Why

Coming Soon: Nude Photos!

I HATE THEM!!!

Who Invents These Things?

Yeah, It's True

Goodbye Hairball!

Another Kitty Blog

Other Kitties!!!

Some Stupid Links

TAGGED!!!

Krishna Kicking

Hairballs & Tuna

This Sucks!

Pretty in Pink?

So Horribly Alone

Now Do You Get It?

What is NOT to Understand?

Busted!

No Presents?

I Am Beautiful!

Grouchy, Grouchy, Grouchy!

Absolut Confusion

Away!

Am I a Mutant?

Incontinent Little Jerks!

Dead Ferrets (can take care of themselves)

Yummy!

Alien Crop Circles

Surrounded by Scummers

YAHOOO!!!!

F***ing Ferrets

Geez!!!

GRR!!!

A New Sparkling Shiny

Scary Screaming & Scarier Spike

More Scummers?

Raining Cats and Dogs...

And she was going to name ME Oscar...

Bad! Bad!

My Own Site!

SHUDDERS